The ‘recession’ we had to have…

 Before I go into the struggles of me trying to find a job or some of the life choices I made…

 

Let’s just revisit a couple of things from my time at high school… so I’m sure everyone has at least one underage drinking story – I used to sneak into a club called city rowers – even in the 80s it was a bit of a dive… I did have my first guy try to pick me up though – when I told I was 15 he freaked out – AS YOU WOULD!  After that we decided to hotfoot it out of there before I got busted for being there underage – nevermind the following week I was there again.

 

I really was a bit of a rebel –laughs-

 

I realise it seems probably a smidge tame… it gets worse though – I was a little bit more than a rebel.  I developed a crush on a bad boy – he had this grand dream of joining the NRA – I do know how to pick them… I really do.  Anyway, he was a bit of a troublemaker and I think his Mother was hoping I’d be a positive influence on him.  Yeah so that worked out really well for me…  He was into stealing cars, I had a gun fired in front of my face – not something I’m going to ever forget… he was basically crazy – it just took me a while to work that out – another one of Michael’s life mistakes made because of a man –laughs- and I had no idea at this point I was gay…  I really didn’t… He had so much potential to get me into so much trouble – I had so much potential to get myself into trouble realistically – and I literally dodged a bullet.

 

I finished High School in November 1990 and my results were crap – I joked for years that my results were that bad that I couldn’t even get into the University of New England – it was notorious for taking the ‘dregs’ or ‘failures’ from school.  So I decided to repeat Grade 12 – well that was a mistake… I became rather cocky and a bit of a smartass because I was over 18.  I was told flatout that I wasn’t running that years formal committee and my help wasn’t wanted… seems high school loved me as much as I did it.  I finally got to do Maths in Society – wow!  Just wow!  It was so basic and I was seeing people struggling with it so I really didn’t know what to make of that… I lasted a term before I decided that repeating at the same school wasn’t the best idea as I was still being picked on.  In those days there was no support offered for bullying and it just got swept under the carpet – granted too I was labelled as a troublemaker – I remember getting called into the principals office as I had been caught smoking just off-school grounds – now because I was over 18, there was ‘technically’ nothing the school could do to discipline me.

To be honest I had no idea of what I was going to do with my life… I pretty much goofed off for my first year of unemployment – wealthy people call it a gap year – I call it watching daytime tv… Donahue and Sally Jesse – I have so much love for them.  I think it was those sort of trashy tv shows that started the idea forming that I was gay.  I finally got my licence in 1991 – it only took me 2 years… Dad decided that he was going to buy myself and my brother a car.  The loan Dad applied for was a car loan so the majority of the money had to be spent on one car – he didn’t agree with that so would spend days arguing on the phone with the credit union.  So I got my first car – it cost $9000 – I loved that car, I would polish that thing within an inch of it’s life.  So here was I at 128kgs squeezing myself into this tiny 1981 Honda Prelude (red[ish] of course) – I’d get the odd strange look as I heaved myself out… the other funny thing when I was growing up we had a german shepherd named Jaws – he was like 48kgs and anytime he saw my car door open he’d jump in the car… I could barely fit in the car so you’d have the dog with his head out of the sunroof and you’d have the top of my head just appearing.  I’m sure it was comical… I had 3 accidents in the car – the last one seeing the end to my poor little car.  When I had the car I started delivering pizzas for Silvio’s (which got bought out by Domino’s) and I think we were at the Christmas Party or something…. I was the designated driver at that stage (I didn’t drink believe it not) – was heading down Mt Ommaney road – aquaplaned – spun a couple of times and bye bye 1981 Honda Prelude… I still have nightmares about this… anyway this all happened down the road from the fire station so we went to get the Firies – I got my first proper ride in a fire engine – lights, sounds, everything.  One of the Firies looked at the car, looked at me “you should be dead mate” – Honda Preludes have what are referred to as clamshell bonnets and the latches don’t always hold.  The next thing you know I’m sitting in the gutter crying like a crazed banshee.  Dad did try buying me a replacement car but the credit union wasn’t having a bar of it – probably for the best…

 

So as a aside from when I bought Prelude – the dealer was also the authorised dealer for the original NSX – such a gorgeous car… anyway I had bought a wheels magazine to read on the train and it had “details” on the next generation Prelude (92 model) and as the dealers generally tend to not get told anything about upcoming models – they photocopied the article and as a thank you – they were going to let me drive the NSX to get my car. Probably one of the most nerve racking drives of my life – I’m 19 and behind the wheel of a $150k (in those days) supercar.  Now you might be thinking nerve racking – I’d take it easy… yeah you’d think so… -laughs- Anyway I just thought it was a really nice gesture.

 

So I guess this one of those things people could never figure about me – I’m a car nerd – I love cars – I have 0 mechanical aptitude, it’s took me half a day to change the sparkplugs and oil filter on my Prelude.  I’d be at the carshow every year – I have photos somewhere from the 1990 Brisbane Motorshow – they had a green BMW Z1 and I peppered the folks with questions about it – it didn’t take me long to work out that people working motorshows are just salespeople and will generally just tend to humour teenagers.

 

I guess I just found the automotive industry interesting for a logistical perspective, why they made the choices they made for different markets so I guess the marketing perspective and I developed a skill that I could pretty much recognise any car – really one of the worlds most useful skills to have…

 

I remember that I had this interview (absolutely no idea what it was for – it’s 30 years ago… Christ) and the person interviewing me basically said that because my results were such a mixed bag and my artistic portfolio was a bit childish (which it was – I can’t draw) – I don’t even think my school had a camera… how much different would my life have been if they did… Anyway she said because of my high school results I needed to look at further education and she did actually suggest TAFE (community/technical college) as a means of improving myself and giving me a point of difference in the job market.  As I had missed the cut-off for full-time admission I ended up enrolling in a couple of night classes Accounting and Economics.  Yes… indeed… IT’S NOT LIKE EITHER OF THESE SUBJECTS ARE MATH BASED!!!!  So I became part-time student at TAFE… not that 2 subjects helped my any BUT anyway…

 

So I totalled my car and you’d think I’d be unemployed again… you’d think – my managers actually liked me.  So I went from delivery to pizza making – honestly to any vegetarians that got ham on their pizza – I am really, really sorry but when you are flat out and using vegies that also get used for meat pizzas…

 

Oh I forgot about the time I left school in Grade 10 – I got a job selling alarm systems door to door in Browns Plains… I think for the two weeks I had the job I sold nada – zip – zero… $1500 for an alarm that just sits in a corner in a brand low-socio-economic area.  Not one of my better ideas.  Anyway one night after work we ended up someone’s house in Indooroopilly – I was 15 – so we’re having a few beers and bucket bongs.  From what I’ve discovered bucket bongs seem to be almost just a Queensland thing.  Anyway I was massively wasted and I did kind of sort of live across the river from Indooroopilly so I decided to walk home – I was literally stoned out of my gourd… small tip don’t walk across a bridge stoned – you’ll thank me.

 

I also moved out of home for the first time… -cue dramatic music- and that leads into the young me coming out –gasp- YOU MEAN YOU’RE GAY?!?!?!